Forgive me. I couldn’t help it.
Someone made a Website that allows you to make your own fake Donald Trump tweets, and I went to town.
I must have made a hundred of these suckers.
Can you blame me?
It’s so hard to resist making that narcissistic blowhard say whatever you want!
And it wasn’t just me.
It was all over my Facebook feed this weekend. All my virtual buddies were getting in on the act.
Perhaps that says something about me – I’m the kind of person that chooses to associate with people who would spend their precious leisure moments pretending to make the President-elect say stuff on Twitter.
But whatever. I guess that’s me.
Trump is the perfect target for ridicule. He’s going to be the chief executive of the United States, the Leader of the Free World, and he’s such a shallow, conceited asshole.
He got into office exploiting middle America’s sexism and racism and, yes, economic hopelessness. These are the same folks who chide black people in Ferguson for rioting when a white cop gets off murdering a black teen. And then these same working class white folks go ahead and throw a brick through our collective windshield on election day!
Couldn’t you just turn over a squad car? Did you have to drive the whole freakin’ country into a ditch?
Anyway, it is what it is.
So in that spirit, I offer to you my favorite fake Trump tweets that I made over the weekend.
Let me stress – these tweets are fake. Donald Trump did not write any of this. (I know it can be hard to tell given how erratic he is as a personality, which is such a comfort now that he’s going to have the nuclear codes.) In addition, all spelling and grammatical mistakes are intentional. Call it Twitter Verite.
Anyway, I start with this one:
StevenSinger3 Your blog is just terrible. It’s all union lies. Your a teacher. What do you know? Nothing. You make less than $100K. Sad.
This is how everyone seems to begin. You get The Donald to attack yourself. It would almost be a badge of honor. “Look, everyone! I’m important enough to be ridiculed by President Cheeto skin!”
Is Betsy Devos qualified to be Secretary of Education? Her check cleared! Of course she’s qualified! Huge Check! Bigly qualified!
You can’t tell me the Republican megadonor didn’t pay for her position in the Trump administration. Money exchanged hands there. Why else nominate someone whose only previous experience has been giving money to politicians to push for less charter school transparency and more school vouchers?
I really like charter schools. They’re like if I had my own franchise of Trump Universities. You don’t have to teach. Go bankrupt. Make $!
It would just make sense for someone who settled out of court for running a fake school to support charter schools. He knows a good scam when he sees one.
I love Common Core and so does Betsy DeVos. Wait a minute. Mike Pence says I hate Common Core. I hate Common Core and so does Betsy DeVos.
Watching Trump try to stay on message is always a treat. What does he know about Common Core? His kids never went to public school. He hates it because he’s told to hate it. Betsy DeVos has been forced into that position despite a lifetime of advocating for the Core. These folks are so phony!
So many fake tweets about me. It’s unpresidented. I write all my tweets myself. Right after I get the order from Putin.
Ah, Putin. Has any U.S. President had such a bromance with the leader of Russia?
I don’t like phonies. I like really talented people. That reminds me. Mariah Carey sure can sing! I wonder what she’s doing on Jan. 20.
Low blow. I know.
Public schools should be run like Celebrity Apprentice. If you fail a test, you’re fired! Then your agent can book you on Dancing W/ The Stars.
Public schools should be run like a business. Spend all the money then declare bankruptcy. It’s always worked for me!
Public schools! Who needs them? I paid for all my kids to go to private schools. Why can’t everyone just inherit a fortune and go bankrupt?
As an educator, it’s such a joy to hear him talk about public schools. He’s got no clue. But why would he? He’s a reality TV star and sometimes conman.
To all the haters, just give me a chance. Love is stronger than hate. I’m just a man. Now let’s all join hands and deport 3 million people!
I am so sick of people asking me to “Give Trump a chance.” He’s made it very clear what he plans to do once in office. And he’s lining up Neo-nazis and business criminals to do it! If someone told me he was going to shoot me and then started loading his gun, I wouldn’t give him a chance. Sorry.
I admit it. I have a very small penis. I try to overcompensate by pretending I’m a great businessman, but I’m just blowing my inheritance.
I decided to make Trump honest on that one. He’d be kind of pathetic if no one took him seriously.
It’s hilarious my voters think I’m going to do anything for them. I default on all my debts. I’ve never paid anyone back – ever! Suckers!
More truth. We elected an obvious conman to the Oval Office. What else can you do but laugh, America?
Want to make your own fake Trump tweet? Check out this site before someone takes it down:
In any case, it wouldn’t take much to create your own fake Trump tweets even without the site. Enjoy!